When I started writing down my thoughts as a new mom it began in the form of an actual physical journal. Years ago, I had an old co-worker who had told me that she started a blog for her daughter and so when I stopped writing in my journal shortly after my son was born, I remembered that and started writing this blog. While so much of being a new parent shifted, I found the cliches to be ringing true with new clarity and the center of so much was (and sadly still is) sleep.
But, hilariously, if I need more sleep to do more, why am I spending time blogging – something that very easily can be argued is unnecessary. Still, I always come back to writing down these thoughts, experiences, feelings. Maybe I’m trying to chase and capture the intangible, indescribable (continuously) new world around me. I can’t believe how connected I feel to these other parents words – those I have met and those I haven’t.
Right now, I’m struggling. And honestly, I have been for a while. Darcy is a little over five months old and I do not feel like I’m on steady ground. She embarrassingly is not sleeping though the night and given my son was 11p-7a by 6 weeks; I was ill prepared to not have that at 6 months. We’ve tried cry it out – many times, four different locations and nothing seems to stick for more than a few days. I’m not giving up (my GP recently recommended her dad give a bottle of water in the middle of the night) but I’m furiously treading water to stay afloat.
When we don’t have our sleep, we can’t think straight and I’m floored at how hard it is for me to make decisions or rather, final decisions. I’m constantly in a little research or trial circle. What I do hope is that some of this is relateable to friends who are just starting to go through this. The secondary reason I started this was, being one of the first of my friends to have a baby, I thought if I could write down a few pearls of wisdom (honesty) some might be able to avoid the pitfalls I fell into, or at least know they’re not alone. I’ve changed my domain to wordpress but until I find the time to transfer over my old content it can be found http://alexandrawatts.wixsite.com/anewbedtime
Feb 15th, 2017
picture: NY Botanical Garden Train Show